Round 1: In Review

Round 1 of the 2016 DFFL Playoffs is in the books, and I am here to fill everyone in on what’s going on.  

We have our first ever movie poster added to the DFFL store. Order now for delivery by Christmas!

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SAVED BY THE BELL

THE ROMOSEXUALS

vs

BIZZLE JUICE

149.2 – 114.6

savedbythebell

After a 4 point night from Derek Carr on Thursday, it looked like Mike was well on his way to his third straight postseason loss. However, Le’Veon Bell must have found some of that good good this week as he racked up almost 300 yards against the Bills. His 54.8 point performance has to be a DFFL postseason record, and Mike was loving it. “I’M SO EXCITED! I’M SO EXCITED! I’M SO EXCITED!” (Hopefully at least Alli and the curveballs understand this reference).

Mike will face Donnie in Round 2, just as they have countless times in NHL Hitz. The winner will be the first ever team to represent Father Duke in the finals.

We say our final goodbyes to Master Thomas, a birthday present he definitely did not ask for. Master ended the regular season as the highest scoring team in the Father Duke division, including wins in 5 of his last 6 games, which makes the early departure even more disappointing. It really makes you question what went wrong, like when Randy just wasn’t in Home Improvement anymore.

For one last time, let’s turn the water up real hot, throw in a lush bomb, because we’re taking a bath. RIP Jonathan Taylor Master Thomas: he bathes with the fishes tonight.

CAN I KICK IT?

PIMPIN AINT BREESY

vs

ANTONIO BROWN V BOARD OF ED

89.1 – 84.9

kickinit

This year will include many firsts for Charlie: first words, first Christmas, first “When you nut but she keep suckin” meme. And now you can add first crushing fantasy football playoff loss to the list, as her former vessel of life dropped her round 1 matchup against Matt. It came down to the kickers, as every great fantasy matchup should, with Tucker outscoring Gostkowski 12-4 on Monday Night to give Kowalski the victory.

Matt has now taken down the top 2 teams in back to back weeks, and has a rematch against Mark in Round 2. It may be tougher for Matt to win if Mark starts his best players, but only time will tell. The winner with represent Father Stanton and his wonky eye in the finals.

We say our final goodbyes to Alli, who finished the season in quite a disappointing fashion. Alli was thought by many to be Mark’s toughest competition, finishing the season with only six less points scored and a 1-1 head to head record. She may blame the screams coming from her house on Charlie, but some are speculating that the cries are actually coming from Alli, who wasted another great season. RIP Antonio Brown v Board of Ed.

 

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